


Me, Myself, and I

by Glowstar826



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Manipulation, Mind Manipulation, Obliviate | Memory Charm (Harry Potter), One Shot, Pre-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29862570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glowstar826/pseuds/Glowstar826
Summary: Gilderoy Lockhart knows how to get what he wants — even if he must use morally questionable means to do so.
Relationships: Gilderoy Lockhart/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Me, Myself, and I

**Author's Note:**

> **Thank you so much to my betas Huckelbarry, VanillaAshes, shy-n-great, Fires of Eden Red Rose Aurora, and Cupcakeyyy!**

Gilderoy's eyes flutter open.

At first, all he can recall are the hazy drunkenness along with the murmurs of want — of need. Then he remembers his hands shaping all kinds of curves. The lips. The tongue. The moans. The dirty words. He feels prideful in that moment — prouder than he's felt in a long time.

He's now certain that he can use his physical looks to get what he wants.

It's then that he becomes acutely aware of his nakedness; he grabs the sheets haphazardly, and while pulling them around himself, his leg accidentally brushes against someone else's.

Dread fills him as a girl next to him stirs. Embarrassingly, he doesn't remember her name. What was it…Diana? Amanda? Roberta? Why had he gotten so drunk in the first place? What…

"Oh," a petite voice murmurs. It's delicate, as though the slightest touch would make it crumble to dust. Gilderoy hears a susurrus of sheets as the girl, who's a lightly tanned brunette, turns to face him.

Her eyes lose their innocence as a lustful gaze is sent his way.

"Morning," she says in a sultry tone.

Gilderoy quickly pulls himself together. He needs to turn on his charm and figure out what in Merlin's name is going on.

"Morning," he returns with lidded eyes and a lewd smile.

"I enjoyed last night," the girl murmurs, walking her fingers up Gilderoy's chest. "Want to do it again?"

"Mm, I don't think so," the blond says slowly as he sits up. He takes another look at the brunette and decides she isn't as pretty as he thought. How didn't he notice that one of her eyes is slightly higher than the other? Her lips — gah! They're so _thin_. How was he able to kiss her so ravenously just a night previous? And her chin…oh, her chin. How is it that he didn't notice that she has a few _hairs_ growing out of it?

Looking over her bare shoulder, he notices a feminine-looking jacket hanging on his desk chair. It's obviously not his. Maybe he can learn the girl's name from looking inside it.

Deciding that's the best course of action, Gilderoy sits up before glancing surreptitiously at the girl's jacket. It reads, _Hannah McGuire_.

It's then that he remembers exactly why this girl is in his bed, naked and wanting.

She was the one who killed the Bandon Banshee, and he, being the opportunist he is, seduced her last night so he could get her story.

Right.

"Come on!" Hannah whines, pulling Gilderoy back down. Her breath ghosts his lips as she whispers, "Anything that's stopping you? Anything you're not telling me?"

"Anything stopping me?" questions Gilderoy in a deep, confident voice as he tries to do some quick thinking. He cups her much-too-round jaw and kisses her lips with mild disgust. "Never."

"Then let's have another go," Hannah reiterates, and Gilderoy becomes nervous. He knows he has to get her story about the Bandon Banshee as soon as possible, and he can't waste time by having another round with her.

"Breakfast, Hannah?" offers Gilderoy as a way to avoid the question and give himself some time to plan. He smirks when he hears Hannah's stomach rumble; it's perfect timing. "I'll make my famous whole wheat banana pancakes with freshly-squeezed orange juice. People from all over have praised my talents and skills. You will definitely do the same, if you allow."

Hannah's dreamy smile makes Gilderoy preen.

"All right, then. If you insist."

The blond wastes no time in heading to the kitchen. He swipes Hannah's jacket on the way out so he can use whatever she has in there as potential evidence for his book.

Gilderoy whips out the banana pancake recipe he noted down while he was doing some traveling in Los Angeles. He got the recipe from a Muggle man who was living on a houseboat. He had a dashing mullet and an honest face which made Gilderoy second-guess Obliviating him. In the end, he decided to only take away the memory of the recipe and nothing more. He didn't want to risk gaining any notoriety in the United States of all places.

After all, America is a country he plans to take by storm once he notes down the story of the Bandon Banshee.

He starts mixing the batter as Hannah walks in and sits at the dining table.

"So," says Gilderoy, using his most disarming, persuasive tone yet. "You killed the Bandon Banshee, eh? Quite an achievement."

"Yeah, I did," affirms Hannah as she twirls a lock of her hair absentmindedly. Gilderoy cringes a little as a rough accent that he thinks is Mancunian starts to seep in although she's trying her best to hide it. In that moment, he realizes why he got drunk before bedding her. This Hannah really is awfully ordinary. Ugly, even. Yes, her form is not that bad, but that's all she has going for her. In fact, Gilderoy muses to himself, he'll be doing her a favor by taking away her memory. Save her from the embarrassment of rejection and all that.

"Care to tell me how you did it?" asks Gilderoy while discreetly searching Hannah's jacket for anything that could be useful for the writing process. "I'm _dying_ to know."

"So that's why you gave me a good shag, hm?" Hannah asks.

"No," Gilderoy counters fluidly, completely unfazed by the bluntness of her question as he throws some sliced bananas on the pan. "Well…maybe," he adds shyly for good measure. It won't do for her to think he's in control. He needs Hannah to let her guard down completely so the extraction of her story will be seamless. "To put it simply, love, I admire your bravery. It's not every day that you come across a feral banshee with nothing but a wand on you. I'm sure it wasn't easy. You didn't even go to school, did you?"

"No, my parents thought they were the best teachers. Taught me everything I know," says Hannah as Gilderoy serves her and then himself. The latter smiles again — this time sweetly — as the tan brunette lights up at the taste. "Merlin, this is good."

"My specialty," quips Gilderoy with a wink.

"Is there anything you _can't_ do?"

"Of course!" the blond lies smoothly, feeding off of her growing awe. "I can't get over how stunning you look, for starters. And I also can't fathom why you even agreed to bed me."

Hannah laughs loudly, and Gilderoy mentally gives himself a pat on the back. The disarming tactics are working.

"Well, aren't _you_ the charmer," the witch says as she gobbles up her food and drinks her juice.

"Oh, you're too kind," Gilderoy responds, easily pulling up one of his manufactured responses that's guaranteed to make any woman swoon. He gives her a radiant smile as he says, "Allow me," while taking up their plates.

"You're being so nice, Gilderoy. You're not like other men. They just shag you and don't have anything more to do with you. You, on the other hand… _you_ seem like a gentleman."

"Always aim to please," he replies in a not-so-modest voice. He discreetly sets up a recording quill in the corner of the kitchen before sitting next to Hannah. "So? Ready to tell me about the Bandon Banshee?"

"Oh, of course!" says Hannah giddily. She takes his hand as she starts relaying her story.

With absolute joy, he listens to every little detail about young Hannah's encounter. The way her ears bleed when the banshee screeches, the unsteady ground which almost trips her up, and most importantly, the final blow. It's music to his ears when she reveals exactly where she left the body. Gilderoy mentally adds in some artistic changes he could make here and there to liven up the story itself and not make it boring. Ultimately, once he Obliviates Hannah, it'll be _his_ story to tell.

Once Hannah's finished, Gilderoy is confident that this story will be a bestseller. It has all the right moments of fear and triumph, and with some additions of his own, it'll evoke intense emotion, too. It's these thoughts that are running through his head as he stands up and walks to the door.

"I'm afraid our time together has come to an end, love. Though I do hope we can do this again sometime."

"Me, too," replies Hannah as Gilderoy leads her outside. "I had a lovely, lovely time."

Gilderoy looks into Hannah's hazel eyes; he feels no regret for what he's about to do.

"Darling, I have a confession to make," he says solemnly.

"Oh?" Hannah looks concerned. Worried, even.

"You see…what we did last night? It never happened."

A quizzical expression forms on the witch's features. "What do you mean, Gilderoy?"

"This —" Gilderoy gestures between them with his hand — "never happened."

"What? You're making no sense." The fear in Hannah's voice only serves to make Gilderoy's excitement increase two-fold.

"You killing the Bandon Banshee?" The celebrity author smiles darkly at the growing horror on Hannah's face. "Never happened," he says with a shrug. " _Obliviate_."

The dazed look in Hannah's eyes doesn't affect him in the least as he quickly goes back inside before she can see him. He watches through the window as she looks around confusedly. After a minute, she starts walking away, and Gilderoy smiles proudly at his success. Before he begins writing, though, he makes a stop at his special mirror. A more genuine smile makes itself known on Gilderoy's face as his reflection speaks to him.

"Wonderful job, as always," purrs the reflection. "That story will land you hundreds of thousands of Galleons by the time you're through. You're just getting better and better each time."

"I know," says the real Gilderoy, looking at his perfectly-manicured fingernails. "Soon, the whole world will bow down to me, and none of them will be the wiser as to how I made it so."

"All right, but don't get too ahead of yourself," the reflection warns. "Your work will backfire if you do."

Gilderoy gives his mirror a strange look before frowning.

"I never get too ahead of myself," he says dispassionately. "And besides, when have I ever miscalculated?"

Without waiting for an answer, Gilderoy walks over to his study to begin writing his first draft, unaware of just how true his mirror's prediction would become.


End file.
